Whole Finger ..... ?
Overheard two blokes I work with in Swords one day in locker room:
1st bloke: "did ya hear about Danny's accident at the weekend ?"
bloke 2: "No wha happened ?"
1st bloke: "Got his hand caught in one of the pressing machine rotors."
bloke 2: "Jaaayyssisss ... was he badly hurted ?"
1st bloke: "got one of fingers really bad and ripped it off !"
bloke 2 "Jaaayyssisss ... the whole finger ?"
1st bloke: Deadly serious "No ... the one beside it."
Overheard by Alan, Work place in Swords
Posted on Monday, 16th May 2005
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Rating score (6568) | Comments (19) | Email to a friend |
He-Man
Friends of mine were on their hols a couple of weeks ago in Tenerife.
2 of the lads were chattin up a couple of American Girls.
1 of the lads asks them their names:
Girl 1: "I'm Coco, and this here is Shee-rah"
Ed: "well, I'm Eddie and this is..."
He's interrupted.
Brian: "Shee-rah? I'm He-Man."
The lads were in stitches, but then had to explain the 80's phenonomen that was the He-Man Cartoon Series.
Overheard by dots, In Pub
Posted on Thursday, 21st April 2005
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Rating score (5714) | Comments (7) | Email to a friend |
The Magical 4cents
was on the 46A, and these two d4 girls got on. they were looking up at the advertisment for a certain phone company offering 100 text messages for €6.
Girl 1: "Thats, like, really good value"
Girl 2: "Yeah I know, roysh, but thats, like, 10c a message and their, like, advertising it for 6c"
Girl 1: "Well thats Ireland for you"
They then spent the rest of the journey trying to find out where the "extra" 4c goes.
one of them then said...
"probably on some phone stealth tax or something"
Overheard by David, 46A
Posted on Thursday, 28th April 2005
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Rating score (5669) | Comments (5) | Email to a friend |
Ireland of the Welcomes!
In Roddy Boland's in Rathmines one night I overheard a group of Italian guys (tourists) trying to chat up two Irish girls and not getting very far.
One of the Italian's started waxing lyrical about one of the girls and her "beautiful pale skin" and said: "In my country, you would be a Princess"
To which the Irish girl replied "And in my country, you'd work in a chipper, now f**k off".
Overheard by Kaz, Roddy Bolands
Posted on Thursday, 21st April 2005
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Rating score (3761) | Comments (7) | Email to a friend |
Go back to Ireland!
I was standing at a bus stop on O'Connell street. There were two girls beside me talking in Irish to each other. Next thing you know, two local dubliners walk by and hear the two girls talking. One of the dubliners looks at the two girls and says -
"Hey f**k off back to yer own country"
I sh*t you not
Overheard by Edo, Bus stop in Dublin
Posted on Thursday, 21st April 2005
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Rating score (3122) | Comments (3) | Email to a friend |
Irish Law is never Black and White
In one of the Dublin district courts during a hearing the injured party is being questioned by the defence barrister. The barrister is really trying to put pressure on the defendent and questions whether he can identify his client who alledgedly assaulted him. The injured party is sitting in the witness box and without flinching points across the room and says loudly...
"yer man there, the black fella."
The defence barrister looses the rag and begins ranting about being prejudicial to his clients skin colour and so forth. The barrister continues along this line of attack and says indignantly to the injured party who is still in the witness box....
"can you identify the man in this courtroom who you alledge assaulted you without referring to his skin colour?"
The injured party looks up at the judge and then at the barrister shrugs and says... "yeah."
The barrister asks him to do so. The injured party points again across the court room and says...
"yer man sitting over there between the two white blokes."
Overheard by Anon, Dublin District Court
Posted on Thursday, 21st April 2005
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Rating score (2573) | Comments (10) | Email to a friend |
Don't go to work on an egg
On a No.13 bus in Ranelagh a harassed looking man was relating a story to a friend. "On Friday night last I came home from work and the Missus asked me to have a word with the 8 year old about his bad language. Now I was knackered from the week's work and told her I would talk to him in the morning. Next morning I came into the kitchen and there were my 2 sons the 8 year old and his 5 year old brother. I asked the 8 year old what he would like for brekkie and he put his 2 hands behind his head, threw the feet up on the table and said he would like a f**king egg. At this stage said the harassed parent I lost the head compltely and hit him a few clips on the legs, then still shaking I turned to the 5 year old and asked him what he would like for brekkie. The 5 year old clearly shaken by the previous events said in a tremulous voice......... I'm not having a f**king egg anyway.
Overheard by Jose Staunto, in February
Posted on Friday, 22nd April 2005
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Rating score (2385) | Comments (9) | Email to a friend |
French Literature for Dummies
On the way home from work on the bus. It's packed, it's hot and everyone is well and truly p***ed off (including the driver). The UCD stop comes up and the bell rings. Then the bell rings again and again and again and again. Obviously each person getting off thought they were the first to do it. Suddenly the bus driver slams on the brakes, turns on the intercom and roars at the entire bus....
"Will yis stop ringing the bleedin' bell, who the f**k do yis think I am?? I' not f***in Quasimodo!!!!!
Absolutely classic, the entire bus cracked up!
Overheard by Jessica, The legendary 46A
Posted on Friday, 22nd April 2005
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Rating score (2237) | Comments (5) | Email to a friend |
A real ladies man !
Overheard conversation in the pub between friends:
Tuf Lad: "Why has you all dressed up ?"
Dapper Jon: "Im not, I always wear these clothes"
Tuf Lad: "Dya think youre a ladies man dyeh" ?
Dapper Jon: "No not really"
Tuf Lad: "I bet you think ure a birrofa constantinople"!!
We all fell about the place laughing when we realised
he meant CASANOVA !!
Overheard by Lor, In The Tassie
Posted on Friday, 08th April 2005
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Rating score (2091) | Comments (1) | Email to a friend |
Sound as a euro
Man shouts over to elderly woman in a bar in Ballyfermot.
"Hows its going there Patsy, keeping well? to which the woman replied loudly..
"sound as a euro, sound as a euro"
Overheard by AnnaB, Ballyfermot
Posted on Wednesday, 20th April 2005
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Rating score (2011) | Comments (4) | Email to a friend |
Is there a doctor in the house?
In the Omniplex a while back, a particularly boring bit of the movie was on, when a cry came from the dark.
Shadow at the front (shouting): "Anyone! Is there a doctor here? Is there a doctor here?"
(Shock. Confusion.)
Voice from the back: "Here - I'm a doctor"
Voice from the front: "Sh*te film, isn't it?" ...and sat back down
Voice from the back: "Little bastard - if I find ya I'll rattle ya"
Overheard by YoYoBoy, Santry Cinema
Posted on Wednesday, 27th April 2005
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Rating score (1808) | Comments (7) | Email to a friend |
Don't you know who I am?
This happened in a huge exam centre where there were numerous University exams all going on. There's hundreds of people.
The end of the exams come along and the invigilators all line up along the front of the hall ready to collect the papers. Down one of the lines of desks, one of the invigilators notices one lad blatantly cheating. He's asking the people around him for answers, and pretty obviously doesn't give a crap that he's so obvious.
He's still writing the answers as the invigilator comes to his desk, and the invigilator refuses to take his paper and tells him to stay back after the exam. So after the exams are collected, everyone leaves the hall, and all that's left is the invigilator and the cheater.
The invigilator puts the big pile of exams down on the table beside them and starts to lay into yer man. The guy lets him finish and just pipes up "Eh, Don't you know who I am?"
The invigilator is shocked an retorts: "No, not a clue..."
Before he can continue, the cheater just says "Great!"
He slides his exam paper into the middle of the big pile of exams that the invigilator had collected and just walked away.
Overheard by Sean, Univercity exam centre
Posted on Saturday, 29th December 2007
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Rating score (1743) | Comments (13) | Email to a friend |
Howaya Guard
A couple of weeks ago myself and 3 of my friends were sitting in my car, just havin a laugh, listening to music.
When out of nowhere 2 garda appeared, one at each side of the car, (obiviously they thought we were up to something).
I rolled down the driver window and the garda said;
"Howaya lads, we're the Guards"
to what I could only reply:
"Howaya Guards, we're the lads!"
Overheard by Janey Mac, In my car
Posted on Friday, 29th July 2005
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Rating score (1658) | Comments (8) | Email to a friend |
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